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and the wheel keeps turning

Friday, April 30, 2010

In keeping with tradition, I thought I would post another ‘milestone’ post marking my birthday, I’ll be 33 years old this Sunday and if possible I’m happier now than I was last year.  My life just keeps getting better and better, it probably isn’t much in the larger scheme of things but when I think back to where I was a couple of years ago, it’s huge.

I’m about 3 or 4 quarters away from graduating, it will be a happy day once I got my degree because it means I will be able to leave my current job (for one) and also because it means that I’ll be able to move to Korea.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I hadn’t really told anyone other than my sister.  I’ve still been keeping it largely to myself and some select friends and I’ve mentioned in on Twitter but I miss it there.  I miss my grandmother and due to her health concerns, she isn’t able to make the flight out here.  In addition to healing from a broken hip, she also suffers from depression and I want to spend some time with her before the inevitable happens.

Another reason is that I just need to get out of the States for a while.  Don’t get me wrong, I also love it here but there’s been a constant feeling of tension in me, being here.  I don’t know how to describe why, fuck, I don’t even know why exactly.  At least not well enough to articulate coherently.  There’s just been a persistent refrain running through my mind for the last couple of years of, “I need to leave for a while. I need to get away for awhile.”

My sister posits that when I leave for Korea it will give my mother the excuse she needs to also come to Korea and stay indefinitely.  Poor Dad.

The rest of this year is shaping up really well and I can’t wait for the summer.  Washington summers are so completely fab! ^_^   There’s my summer writing course with Nancy again this year which she’s entitled, “Writers Paradise” and I’m much more prepared this for it; last summer my experience was akin to drowning.  I’ve achieved an uneasy relationship with my inner critic; we’re learning to live with each other, there are some days where it takes over and wrecks more havoc than I would like to admit but there are also many more days that I can quiet it with a resounding ‘thwack’ to the balls.

The only aspect of my life that really makes me unhappy is at work.  I don’t like what I’m doing; I don’t like the mindless minutiae and tedious repetition.  I don’t like my coworkers, which I’m pretty sure that their aware of.  Sometimes I watch them and I wonder if it’s me that’s the weirdo and that they’re the ones that are normal.  They make me feel like I’m back in middle school, the actions are the same: group bathroom breaks, playing with each other’s hair and makeup, flirting with all the delivery guys and the constant cycle of hurt feelings because someone didn’t invite someone somewhere, or didn’t let them apply their makeup, or braid their hair, etc. blah, blah, blahbbity, blah. What drives me insane is that the cycle repeats every day, it’s like I’m in my very own personal circle of hell.

What keeps me sane is talking to my friends and sister and walking around with the knowledge that I will not have to endure this much longer.

Working here has also given me an appreciation for the ladies I follow on Twitter or the ones that I meet at PAX.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t have an appreciation for girly things (i’m browsing bloomies for shoes as we speak) but I’m sorry I can’t talk about it all damn day! There’s other stuff that occupies my gray matter, like world news, or what books are out or what books I’m reading or better yet, what games I’m playing.

Enough.

So needless to say, I’m happy.  What I really need to work on right now is cutting down my gaming time and spending more time reading or writing.

Three events that I’m looking forward to this year is my trip to NYC to see my sister in June. I’ve seen NYC in Christmas and New Year’s, it’ll be nice to see the city when it’s warm out.  Bing keeps telling me to wait to buy a ticket, I’ll wait another day and then buy anyway.  PAX Prime in September… and oddly enough, I’ll be attending Yaoi-Con in October with my best friend Carmen in San Francisco.  Why I’m going to Yaoi-Con is another post for another day (but oh yeah, am I going to be taking pictures!).

So good things are happening this year and I hope that when I check in next year that things are even more fabulous.

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From → musings

One Comment
  1. Your life sounds really good and it sounds like it’ll just be getting better. That’s wonderful! I can relate to how you feel about your coworkers, it was the same way I felt about most of the people I hung around with at school. I even made the same mental comparison to middle school! Perhaps college is some strange second puberty for everyone.

    Good luck and safe travels on your trips! New York is very hot in the summer but it’s still wonderful then.

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